


Better Than a Hooker

by cleo4u2



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks, POV Steve Rogers, Shrunkyclunks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 17:27:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7370944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleo4u2/pseuds/cleo4u2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After CA:CW, a spell goes awry, removing all the effects of the serum from Steve. Bucky, recently awoken from the cryotube, de-programmed, but still more Winter Soldier than Bucky Barnes, takes it upon himself to care for Steve. With their history hanging over them, will Bucky and Steve finally get together? You fucking bet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Than a Hooker

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the wonderful and amazing [NurseDarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseDarry/profile)!

Steve woke up with a migraine. Back in 1941 that wouldn’t have been much of a surprise, but he hadn’t had so much as a headache since the serum took hold. Sunlight streamed in from his bedroom window, hitting his closed eyelids and only amplifying the pain. Squinting his eyes open, he groaned and wrapped an arm around his head.

Someone shifted in the room, but Steve didn’t open his eyes again. His head was pounding and felt full of cotton, like spring had just blown in and the pollen was irritating his allergies, or he was getting a head cold. With the fatigue in his limbs, he was leaning towards the latter, but either option shouldn’t have been possible.

What the hell was happening to him?

Whoever was in the room pulled the shades, easing the sharp pain from agony to pounding pain. It gave him enough mind to pull up the last thing he remembered. The battle with the Dark Avengers on the Brooklyn Bridge. The supervillains had managed to capture, or incapacitate nearly every Avenger and taken their places. Eventually, they planned to take over the world because it was another Sunday, or whatever stupid reason they’d come up with this time.

With a little luck, some supervillain infighting, and one-bad-girl-come-over-to-the-side-of-the-light, the Avengers had managed to escape and reveal the truth to the world at large. The result was a massive battle that they had just managed to contain to the Brooklyn Bridge.

The battle had been harder than any Steve remembered, even the fight against Ultron. Steve had deployed Tony and Thor to take out the flying Moonstone, posing as Wanda, and the Green Goblin, who had styled himself as a cross between both Captain America and Iron Man. Clint and Natasha were dealing with Venom, who’d made a convincing enough Spider Man he had tricked the whole team. Steve and Wanda had been dealing with Superia, the fake Black Widow. Bucky was on Bullseye, who had been posing as Hawkeye. Last, but not least, Strange and Vision had been dealing with Ragnarok, Thor’s clone. Each side had been evenly matched, though Steve knew his Avengers would have easily had the upper hand if they’d been at full strength. After the past week’s machinations, Peter, Rhodey, Scott, T’challa and Sam were all down for the count. 

Superia had been giving Steve and Wanda a run for their money. It was taking all of Wanda’s considerable abilities to keep the flying genius grounded, and all of Steve’s strength and tactical ability to take her down. He vaguely remembered throwing the shield at the dark-haired woman, charging after to punch her smug face (though he did hate hitting a lady), and then flying back across the bridge. He didn’t even remember landing, just a wave of blue light and...nothing.

“What happened?” Steve croaked, his voice sounding about as good as he felt.

Apparently the person in the room was Bucky, as it was his voice that answered from near his bed. How had he missed hearing him walk up?

“We won. Drink.”

Despite the clipped answer, Steve had to smile. Anyone else would have told him why he was in bed and feeling hung over, but Bucky knew what he was really asking. Despite his time in Hydra’s hands, he was still Steve’s Bucky. Oh, he was quieter, sullen, grumpy, and far angrier than he’d been in the 40’s, but who wouldn’t be after decades of torture and brainwashing?

Cracking open an eye, Steve took the glass of water Bucky was holding out to him and pushed himself up enough to drink. Something was off with the light, but he decided to blame it on his migraine for now.

“Take these.”

Steve sighed; after waking up in Wakanda and having his mind control programming removed from his head, Bucky hardly spoke to him. Still, he reached for whatever it was Bucky wanted him to take. When the man’s hand hovered over his own and dropped six pills into his palm, Steve froze. It wasn’t the amount of medicine that Bucky wanted him to take, it was the size of his hand. Twice the size of Steve’s own.

“The hell?” Steve demanded, looking up at Bucky fast enough it made his neck hurt.

“Superia threw you into a spell Strange had brewed for Ragnarok,” Bucky answered, his voice unusually gentle. Well, unusual for post-Winter Soldier Bucky, anyway. “Seems to have drained the serum out of you, Stevie. Take your medicine.”

Though his hand shook, Steve did as Bucky said because it was habit. How many times had he heard those three words in the past? Even though his hand shook and he spilled water down his chin, he swallowed the multi-colored tablets. Then a cool metal arm wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him close to a heavily-muscled side. Steve started, looking up at Bucky’s haunted face because the man hadn’t voluntarily touched him since 1943.

“It’s gonna be okay, Stevie,” Bucky promised. That was another thing; he hadn’t called Steve by that nickname since last he’d been willing to touch him. “Strange and Stark are already working on how to fix you. Until then, I’ll take care of you; like old times.”

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me, Buck,” Steve felt dizzy with deja vu. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know, but you don’t have to.”

Steve rubbed at his chest as an old ache began, caused he knew by his heart rate increasing. Logically, he knew he needed to calm down, but how was he supposed to do that? This wasn’t his body anymore! This just couldn’t be happening.

“Hey, so,” Bucky started up and Steve knew he was trying to distract him. He shouldn’t have rubbed his chest. “Good news, right? Since your body was basically fixed by the serum you don’t have tuberculosis any more, and your scoliosis isn’t likely to return.”

“So that leaves me with anemia,” Steve snapped, “asthma, diabetes, partial deafness-”

“Banner thinks that might have healed since it was related to that pneumonia you got in ‘35.”

“Color blindness,” Steve went on as if Bucky hadn’t interrupted, “high blood pressure, a heart murmur, and angina. Have I forgotten anything?”

“Well, people don’t really get scarlet fever or rheumatic fever too much anymore, so we think you won’t have to go through that again.”

“Great,” Steve said sarcastically, rubbing harder at his chest.

“But we think you might have arthritis.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Steve shouted.

“Shh, Steve, shit,” Bucky looked alarmed, “Calm down. You’re gonna give yourself an asthma attack.”

The metal arm slid down Steve’s back, rubbing soothingly in the circles that eased the muscles in his chest and back. Without even knowing it had been necessary, he was immediately able to take deeper breaths. And wasn’t that frightening? Bucky had been able to see the incoming asthma attack, but Steve hadn’t noticed. He’d always been aware of his health, what would cause an attack, because his mother had made sure he took care of himself. Now, after being able to ignore such minor changes in his breathing for years, he couldn’t feel the change himself. His body was betraying him all over again and he couldn’t even tell.

“I can’t do this again, Buck,” Steve heard himself say. Jesus Christ, his breath was hitching like he might start crying! “I can’t- I won’t. You don’t understand, I can’t fucking breathe. I can’t hear right, see-” He gripped Bucky’s wrist as hard as he could, which probably wasn’t very hard at all. “The _colors are gone_. I won’t go back to that.”

“Sh, Stevie, shh...” Bucky repeated, tucking Steve’s head against his shoulder. “Just be patient, okay? Stark and Strange really are working on a way to reverse this. Just hang in there. Smartest guys in the whole world are going to figure this out.”

Steve shut his eyes, comforted as much because Stark and Strange were the smartest men he knew as he was by Bucky’s warmth and solid presence. God, he had missed the man so much.

“Why are you here, Buck?” Steve asked, pulling away enough he could look up into his face. “You’ve been avoiding me since you got back. Now you’re here and, fuck, I can’t deal with this and you and, I don’t know, changing your mind about being friends again. So if you’re just going to start ignoring me again since I’m a burden now-”

“Steve!” Bucky’s voice wasn’t sharp like it would have been in the 40s, it was dark and cold and sent shivers down Steve’s spine. When Bucky realized that had shut him up, he went on in his normal voice, “I’m not going anywhere, punk. So relax. You’re gonna have to take it easy for a bit.”

“Promise?” Steve demanded and didn’t feel guilty at all.

Chuckling, Bucky nodded.

“I promise,” he hugged Steve back into his side, “Now relax. I’m gonna put on those Star Wars movies they kept telling us to watch and we’re going to see what all the fuss is about, all right?”

“All right,” Steve sniffed.

“Good, now move the fuck over so I can lie down too.”

Steve did as he was told, scooting over carefully and holding back winces as his elbows, knees, spine, back, and chest protested the action. Bucky, wearing a pair of jeans and simple black t-shirt that Steve definitely hadn’t seen him in before, climbed further into the bed. So apparently it took reverting to half his size and getting back all his weaknesses to get Bucky to dress casually again.

“FRIDAY?” Bucky said to the ceiling. “Start that Star Wars marathon, won’t you?”

“As you wish, Sergeant,” FRIDAY said in her weird sort-of-but-not-quite-normal voice.

The large flat screen in his room lowered from the ceiling, turned on, and sound burst from the surround-sound speakers. Steve started, making Bucky laugh, but settled back onto the bed to watch the movies. They were really rather good, as were Bucky’s several trips to get Steve drinks and snacks, which they devoured together. It was actually really nice, considering his best friend had been ignoring him up until that point, and now it felt like he got him back. Until he was super-human again, he guessed, but he’d take it until then.

“I know?!” Steve shouted as the Death Star blew up for the second time. “Did he just fucking say ‘I know’?!”

“I know,” Bucky snarked.

Steve burst out laughing. For the first time since Zola and that fucking train, Bucky actually looked at him and joined in. For a moment it felt like nothing had changed. Then his chest tightened, he couldn’t breathe, and it _definitely_ felt like nothing had changed. The all-too-familiar burn in his chest as his lungs simply refused to draw in enough air. Because he laughed too hard.

“Whoa, Steve. Okay, buddy?” Bucky was off the bed in an instant. When he returned, it was with an old familiar device. Opening his mouth, he wrapped his lips about the end of the inhaler. “That’s it,” Bucky encouraged, “breathe with me.”

Steve tried, of course, but his lungs refused to cooperate. That didn’t stop Bucky for a second; it never had. He pulled Steve’s back against his broad chest, an arm about his far frailer one. That alone would have given Steve an asthma attack, even if it was exactly what Bucky would have done in the 40s.

“Breathe with me,” Bucky said again. He inhaled. “In.” Then exhaled. “And out. In,” this time Steve managed to choke in a breath and Bucky depressed the inhaler. The cool medicine rushed into his lungs and eased the tightness in his chest. The next time Bucky said, “In,” Steve could actually take half a breath.

“That’s it,” Bucky said approvingly, “One more, Stevie.”

Depressing the inhaler again, he pulled the device from Steve’s lips. Steve’s lungs took in far more of the medicine this time, and immediately the tight bands began to loosen in his chest. It was still several more minutes before he could actually breathe deeply, but Bucky held him the entire time, counting their breaths like a weird mantra. Even after he could draw a full breath without pain, Bucky didn’t immediately let go.

“Buck?” Steve asked quietly. “Why… Why are you the one helping me?”

“Who else knows how?” Bucky asked casually.

“Banner,” Steve replied, “Clint. Tony, though that sounds like pure torture. More to the point,” Steve twisted to look up at Bucky and found the man staring at the credits rolling on the television, “you were ignoring me and now you’re not.”

Instead of pushing him away, like Steve expected, Bucky’s arm tightened.

“Now you...you need me again.”

Even the wonderful feeling of being held by Bucky couldn’t keep Steve in place at that. He pulled back and twisted around, looking up at his fellow Avenger.

“What the hell does that mean?” he demanded.

“Calm down,” Bucky demanded, “You’ll set it off again. You’re not used to being like this.”

“Answer the question and I’ll calm down,” Steve shot back.

Letting out a slow breath, Bucky said, “Captain America never needed me the way Steve Rogers did.”

The words are like a punch to the gut and Steve jerked away from Bucky’s touch. Of everyone, he had been certain that Bucky saw him as he was, not as the Great American Hero Of Bygone Days. Finding out otherwise was harder than having Bucky ignore him since he’d returned from Wakanda.

“Get out,” Steve snapped.

“Don’t be a drama queen,” Bucky huffed. “It’s not what you’re thinking, idiot. When we were with the Howlies, you needed me to be your second, before that to be...a friend. Now...Thor is your second, Tony when he's not around, Sam after him. Natasha and Sam are your best friends and I'm...I think it’s… Well, I think it’s easier for me to ignore-”

Steve stared, waiting for Bucky to continue. When he didn’t, he turned full around because twisting like that was starting to hurt his back.

“Ignore what, Buck? Me? It’s been easy for you to be back three months without spending more than a second near me? Because you've decided who I need in my life?”

This time, Bucky winced.

“Okay, well, when you put it like that it sounds pretty shitty.”

“No, really?” Steve asked sarcastically. “Wonder why _that_ is.”

Bucky licked his lips, looking down at his mismatched hands.

“Remember… Remember that double date with Katie and Christina?”

Looking confused at the abrupt change of topic, Steve still played along, “We went dancing and I got in a fight with a guy ‘cause he wouldn’t leave this little blonde alone?”

“I got you home after, then told you the girls were waiting for me at the hall so I went out again?”

“Yeah,” Steve was lost at this point and he normally knew where Bucky was going with their stories, “What’s this got to do with anything, Buck?”

“The girls weren’t waiting. Katie wanted nothin’ to do with me after ditching her to walk you home.”

“Oh,” Steve felt a momentary twinge of guilt, “So where’d you go?”

“I-I swung by the Naval Yard and then took my new friend to St. George’s.”

Steve’s jaw dropped and he sputtered with shock.

“You- James Barnes, you picked up a ... _hooker_?!”

The look Bucky gave him was both amused and confused.

“I tell you I had sex with a man and all you care about is the fact that I paid for it?”

“Well, yeah,” Steve huffed angrily, “Prostitution harms all those selling their bodies by undermining their emotional and physical well-being, security, health, and fundamental ri-”

Bucky choked out a laugh and held up his hand to cut Steve off.

“Okay, okay, no need for the lecture.”

“What’s you...fonduing with a man have to do with anything?”

“You still _say_ that?” Bucky was laughing harder now. “Christ, Stevie, _no one_ says that. No one has _ever_ said that! It’s sex. Come on, say it. _Sex_.”

Steve blushed and glared into Bucky’s blue eyes.

“Stop ignoring me questions! Why the hell have you been avoiding me? And what’s that got to do with you- Wait, you’re avoiding me because, what, you’re gay? _That's_ what this had been about?”

“Well…”

This time Steve’s voice was even colder as he snapped, “Remember when I told you to get out? Get out.”

“Steve, come on, you can’t be serious. It’s a reasonable fear! You know how many guys got their heads beat in in our neighborhood for being gay?”

“And did you notice how many guys I got into it with for trying to hit some queer? Fuck you, James Barnes. I have never hated gays and you thinking otherwise-” Steve sneered. “Well, you confused me with Captain America so why am I even surprised you never knew me.”

“For fucks sake, Steve,” Bucky snapped, “will you cut it out? This is… I’ve been holding on to this for decades. I thought- I was so sure you’d hate me if you found out. So, yeah, I hid it from you. Now I’m telling you, so maybe I should get some credit-”

Steve blew out a hard breath and crossed his arms over his bony chest.

“Yeah, glad it only took you eighty years to tell me such a big secret. So glad you decided not to talk to me for three months after I lost you not once, not twice, but _three_ times. So glad the only guy I've known my entire life, doesn't trust me and is only telling me this ‘cause I look like a starved twelve-year-old. It's fucking peachy.”

“Steve-” Bucky started.

“No, let’s keep this up, shall we? What else do we not know about each other? Let me take a turn. I’m still a virgin. Oh, bet you figured that out, though. All right, I can use the internet and I learned a new word. Bisexual. Know that one, Buck? Good. I’m bisexual, like gals and fellas alike.”

Bucky’s jaw was hanging open, but Steve wasn’t done yet.

“Know why I didn’t tell you, Buck? Because it didn’t fucking matter what gender I go for? It _still_ doesn’t matter. Why the hell did you ever think it did? How could you think- You know what, I don’t care. Just… Get. _Out_.”

Clutching at his chest, Steve turned away from his former - that was obvious now - best friend. At least, he tried to. Then a metal hand was grabbing his shoulder, pulling him back across the bed.

“Get off!” Steve shouted, but Bucky wasn’t having it.

Without his super strength, Steve was completely unable to fight as he was dragged across the comforter. “I’m sorry,” Bucky was saying, “I'm so sorry,” and then his lips were covering Steve’s and they were kissing. At least, Bucky was kissing Steve. It was so shocking that Steve couldn’t move, couldn’t think, and certainly couldn’t respond.

Flushing hard, Bucky pulled away with another mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

“Wait,” Steve gasped Bucky climbed off the bed. “Please, don’t…” But he wasn’t listening, he was hurrying towards the door and-

“You promised!” Steve gasped.

That finally made Bucky freeze. Steve scrambled off the bed, and wrapped his hand around Bucky’s massive forearm before he could change his mind. God, Steve was so fucking tiny. If Bucky chose to pull away and run off, there was no chance he would ever catch up.

“You’re,” Steve was exasperated, “so fucking tall.”

“And apparently a complete idiot,” Bucky muttered, scrubbing his metal hand over his face. “Steve, look, let’s just forget this whole thing happened.”

“Stop,” Steve interrupted, “I finally get you back after you’ve been a complete twat-”

“Twat?” Bucky’s lips quirked.

“-so you’re not allowed to run off over this. Come on, talk to me, won’t you? Why’d you kiss me, Buck? No lying, no avoiding, tell me the truth.”

“I-” Bucky swallowed. “I’ve been in love with you since...forever. Then I confess my darkest secret, you don’t blink an eye, and then you tell me you like guys so I… It was a terrible idea, but I just had to know if you could feel the same way. You don’t, so-”

“Don’t tell me what I feel,” Steve snapped. “Stop assuming everything about me.”

Bucky’s eyes widened.

“So you’re, saying,” he says slowly.

“That maybe you should ask me out, coffee, or dinner, not just jump me and demand I figure it out right away.”

“Uh,” Bucky swallowed again, “You...wanna go dancing?”

Steve glared.

“I’m stuck in _this_ body and you want to go dancing? Do better.”

Now Bucky laughed, relaxing and smiling like he weight of the world no longer rested on his shoulders.

“Go to dinner with me, Stevie. I’ll show you a good time and won’t even try to get in your pants.”

“Okay,” Steve grinned. “Tonight.”

“Tonight?” Bucky repeated with no little surprise.

“Not giving your stupid ass a chance to chicken out,” Steve replied, a huge smile splitting his face. “You'll pick me up at seven. We'll go to dinner at this place Natasha told me about where they have swing dancing-”

“I thought you wouldn't dance,” he vaguely waved at Steve, incorporating his entire body, “Like this.”

“I always liked to watch you move, Buck,” Steve explained softly. “So dinner, you dance with some girl, and I'll sit there knowing you'll be coming home with me.”

Bucky’s gorgeous blues widened.

“That sounds suspiciously like something you've done before, Stevie.”

Heat suffused Steve’s face and neck, his ears burning. He looked down, scuffing his foot on the carpet and making himself keep touching Bucky by sheer force of will.

“Had the biggest crush on you for the longest time back...before.”

“Had,” Bucky repeated, but covered Steve’s hand with his own.

Steve cleared his throat.

“Then mom died and we moved in together, and I caught you fucking Barbara Clearing-”

“Big-Boobs Barb? You _saw_ that?”

Steve shrugged, wondering why Bucky sounded so strangled, but too embarrassed to make eye contact.

“Dunno-” Steve sighed; he wasn't going to lie. “I guess I'd been thinking we had something more than we did, ‘cause seeing you two hurt so fucking bad. I couldn't- I made myself get over you.”

Before Steve could say anything else, Bucky had his chin in hand and forced his face up until Steve met his gaze.

“I saw you kissing Mary Walters that morning, got shit-faced, and took Barbara home because I thought maybe we had something, and that kiss meant I was going to Hell for wanting you so damned bad.”

Steve didn't think he could have blushed harder, but that confession left him dizzy.

“Mary Walters was dared by her sister to kiss me because I was the grossest boy they knew and that is the single, most embarrassing moment of my life. It was my first kiss. I never told anyone, and you saw and thought I _wanted_ that?”

Though Bucky smiled, it was anything but happy.

“Starting to think I project a lot of my fears onto you, Stevie. I'm so sorry.”

Huffing out a breath, Steve glared at Bucky, but couldn't stay mad. Not when the now-taller man continued to cup his chin, thumb running along his jaw.

“Jerk,” Steve declared, accepting the apology.

“Punk,” Bucky breathed, his smile growing genuine. “If you're so over me, why are you letting me take you out?”

Steve never broke eye contact as he murmured, “I loved you once. I want to know if I can love you again.” His eyes flicked to Bucky’s lips and the flush came back in a heartbeat. “Think there's a good chance.”

That familiar half smirk was tugging at the corner of Bucky’s lips as he leaned down. There was no doubting his intention, not when Steve had seem that look on his friend's face countless times.

“Yeah,” Steve managed to keep his voice from cracking. “Now will you kiss me proper-”

Bucky closed the distance between them before Steve could finish his sentence. This kiss lacked the desperation of the last one, but it was gentle and sweet and so much better than Steve had ever imagined. Bucky wrapped his metal arm about Steve’s waist, but his flesh hand never left his jaw. Lips parted, Bucky’s tongue lazily caressing his lips and set Steve’s heart pounding. Someone groaned. Steve was pretty sure it was him.

Leaning his forehead against Steve’s, Bucky pulled a few inches away. His breathing was as harsh as if he'd run a marathon. Pride blossomed in Steve’s chest because _he_ had done that to the ladies man.

“Christ,” Bucky panted, “Wanted that for so long and if I'd known you'd be so easy-” He broke off laughing as Steve punched his perfect abs. “I'm kidding.”

Steve couldn't keep the grin off his face, so he didn't bother pretending to be angry.

“Fuck you,” he laughed, but sobered as Bucky’s eyes immediately darkened. He swallowed hard, taking a step back and watching as those dangerous eyes tracked him.

“Tempting,” Bucky tried to joke, but it fell flat when combined with that look and how rough his voice suddenly sounded.

“Even like this?” Steve asked, breathless, because even if Bucky said he'd wanted him forever, this was proof. Proof he needed to hear, feel, and who knew if there would ever be another chance?

“Never fell for Captain America. Just that little guy from Brooklyn.”

Steve didn't know where the courage came from, but he found himself pulling off the over-sized shirt he was wearing. His chest was so thin now, he was sure Bucky could see his heart slamming against his ribs. All his insecurities about this body didn't matter. How he'd gotten over Bucky didn't matter. The darkened blue eyes currently scanning over his body set him on _fire_. He didn't even care that he had no clue how guys even had sex, he had the wild notion if they didn't do this now, they never would.

“What are you doing, Steve?” Bucky demanded, voice still low, and as dangerous as his eyes.

“Not a clue,” Steve admitted, his fingers yanking at the drawstring that had been knotted to keep the too-big sweatpants on his hips. “Does it matter?”

Bucky took half a step forward, posture purely predatory.

“You told me you wanted to go slow?”

“Did I?” Steve asked breathlessly, finally untangling the knot and letting the fabric pool at his ankles. He wasn't wearing a stitch underneath and his cock stood at half-mast.

“Implied it,” Bucky’s voice sounded strangled again. “Steve-”

“You did say I was easy,” he interrupted.

A startled laugh left Bucky, but it strangled in his throat as Steve sat down on the bed, scooted to the center, and lay back. Slowly he spread his legs, refusing to be embarrassed when Bucky’s gaze followed, and his breathing hitched to a stop. No one had ever looked at this body like that. Like it was the sextet thing in the world.

“We've waited long enough, don't you think?” Steve pressed.

Bucky took another step forward before making himself stop again.

“I wanna treat you right,” he said, looking as though keeping himself in place was physically painful. “You deserve so much, Steve. We should wait, I should take you out, we have time-”

“If you don't get over here and fuck me,” Steve ground out through gritted teeth, “I swear to God I'll take back our date.”

That did it. Bucky flew across the room to the bed, crawling over Steve and staring reverently down at him. His flesh hand cupped the nape of Steve’s neck, the metal one carefully resting over his heart.

“You're wearing too much, Buck,” Steve teased after the former assassin stared at his body for so long he was starting to worry he'd do nothing else.

“I-” Bucky yanked his shirt over his head. “Having trouble believing this is real.”

“It's real,” Steve promised.

To prove it, he reached up to run his fingers carefully over the scars where Hydra had welded the metal arm to Bucky’s chest. The man shuddered and groaned, giving Steve the confidence to place his other hand on Bucky’s stomach, then trail the fingers down over the huge bulge in his jeans.

“I'm real,” he promised, “I'm want- Please, Buck. I need you. _Now_. I may be a virgin, but I’m not no blushing bride. Don't you dare leave me a virgin a moment longer than you have to.”

“So fuckin’ bossy,” Bucky said, but he was laughing as he did and grinding down into Steve’s hand, “and you’re blushin’ plenty.”

“Shut up,” Steve grumbled.

To make sure Bucky did what he wanted, Steve surged up to press a hard kiss to his lips. Groaning, he kissed back and made Steve groan in kind. That broke the last of Bucky’s resistance and it was a flurry of lips and teeth and tongue and hands as Bucky tried to both kiss Steve senseless and strip himself naked at the same time. As turned on as he was, Steve couldn’t help start laughing.

“Stop, stop,” Bucky, pleaded, finally pulling back and covering Steve’s mouth with his palm. “Calm down, or you’re gonna give yourself another attack.”

Bucky’s smile was melting, or Steve probably would have been unable to stop laughing despite how aroused he was now.

“Shh, shh,” Bucky pressed the sounds against Steve’s lips.

Shockingly, it worked, though his heart was slamming against his chest still. Then Bucky’s hands were on him and there was no chance he would start laughing again. The man ghosted his hands over his skin, leaving trails of fire and ice. Steve shuddered, struggling to remember just to breathe, especially as Bucky’s lips started moving down his throat. He knew if he started to have an asthma attack Bucky would stop, and he couldn’t stand the thought.

Making sure he gave as good as he got, Steve let his hands roam Bucky’s torso. His palms slid up over the hard muscles of his abs, his chest, brushing his hard nipples with his fingers. The full body shiver that ran through Bucky surprised Steve, but he grinned with pleasure. Then he did it again, earning a moan this time. Before he could comment, Bucky’s hands were between his legs and there wasn’t a coherent thought left in Steve’s head. A metal hand cupped his balls, the flesh one wrapping around his aching shaft.

“Breathe,” Bucky whispered, lips against Steve’s ear. “Breathe for me, Stevie.”

Sucking in a gasp, Steve did as he was told even as he shuddered with the pleasure. Bucky’s flesh hand slid lower, his index finger brushing over Steve’s hole. Shuddering, he moaned and felt himself twitch. Why the hell had they waited so long to do this?

“God, I want you, but-”

“Don’t you fucking ‘but’ me, Barnes.”

A breathless laugh left Bucky. His metal hand left Steve’s balls to cup his cheek.

“ _But_ ,” he repeated, “I need something to ease the way. Don’t happen to have any lubricant of some kind, do you?”

“Bathroom,” Steve grumbled with a smile.

“Be right back,” Bucky promised.

The pause was worth it when Steve got to watch Bucky scramble from the bed, then make a mad dash for the bathroom. It looked like the man was sure Steve would vanish if he didn’t find the lube within the next minute. He would have laughed if he didn’t understand completely. The whole situation felt like a dream.

When Bucky returned with the plastic tube, Steve spread his legs and got to watch the muscled man skid to a stop to stare. _That_ was something he could get used to. He only hoped his serum-enhanced body turned Bucky on as much as this one.

“What are you waiting for?” Steve asked, his voice more breathy than he would have preferred. “You’ve been given your invitation.”

The look on Bucky’s face was pure wonder as he continued walking to the bed. Setting aside the tube, he crawled back over Steve, and kissed him like Steve was air and Bucky was drowning. They lost themselves in the kiss, so much that Steve didn’t care that Bucky was still in his damned jeans. Well, not that much. Not when Bucky’s mouth was so hot, wet, and worshiping his lips, his throat, his jaw. Bucky’s flesh hand ran down Steve’s flank, his hip, then dipped again between his legs while somehow avoiding his angry red erection.

“Please, please,” Steve broke from the kiss to beg.

“Well, if you say please,” Bucky teased, but he pressed the tip of his finger into Steve. Shuddering, he clutched at Bucky’s shoulders at the unfamiliar sensation. He tried to arch his back, make it easier for Bucky to reach him, but the action sent flares of pain along his spine. He groaned and gave in to letting the other man have his way. It wasn’t much of a sacrifice. Bucky was attentive, gentle, stretching Steve carefully bit by bit.

The sensation was uncomfortable at first. Then Bucky started to thrust the digit inside Steve, crooking upward towards his belly button. The pleasure was so intense, Steve nearly came off the bed. _What the hell was that?!_ he thought. The words were obliterated by his own moan and he watched as Bucky’s blue eyes dilated to black.

“More,” Steve demanded.

Bucky cursed, but obeyed, twisting his finger within Steve and drawing out another moan.

“God, yes,” Steve gasped.

Smirking that perfect half smirk, Bucky twisted again and Steve lost all ability to speak. He moaned over and over as Bucky’s talented fingers stroked him from inside. They left him a writhing wreck as one finger became two, then three. Still Bucky remained clothed, but his eyes never strayed from Steve. His metal hand didn’t wander either, but Steve was honestly glad for that. Everything being done to him had him close enough to the edge that more would have tipped him over.

“You’re ready,” Bucky declared when his three fingers moved easily within the tight passage. That was perfectly fine by Steve, since he’d been trying to beg Bucky to hurry up for what felt like hours.

Whining as the fingers were pulled free, leaving him empty, Steve spread his legs wider, trying to tempt Bucky to _hurry up_. While he wasn’t sure if it worked, Bucky did climb up him quickly and rolled Steve to his side. His metal hand slid between Steve’s thighs, lifting his leg into the air as he pressed the tip of his cock against at Steve’s entrance. The smaller man could only clutch at the blankets, waiting, with no leverage to push himself back onto Bucky’s waiting cock. The pressure against his ass increased slowly, steadily, but not fast enough for Steve’s liking.

“Please, Jesus, Buck, please. Fuck me, I need- _Pleasepleaseplease_.”

Groaning, Bucky gave in and pushed until Steve’s rim gave way and he slipped inside.

“Holy shit,” Bucky swore, lips pressed to Steve’s ear. “Stevie, fuck. _Yesss…_ ”

Breathless, Steve laughed and gripped the flesh arm Bucky had wrapped about his chest. Then Bucky was moving and Steve gasped, crying out as inch after impossible inch slipped steadily inside him.

“Oh my God, oh God,” Steve babbled, eyes squeezing tight and hands clutching at Bucky’s arm. “More, more, more _more…_ ”

Teeth latched onto the shell of Steve’s ear and he shouted again, arching and managing to push himself further back onto Bucky’s cock. Now the hard chest pressed against his back and Steve realized that he had all of Bucky inside him. The sting in his ear eased, but Bucky was apparently a biter as his perfect white teeth scraped over Steve’s shoulder, his neck, drawing shuddering moans from his frail chest.

Unable to hold still long, Bucky pulled out as slow as he’d pushed in. Steve had to wonder if sex was always this good, or if it was just because Bucky’s body fit his so perfectly. The thought lasted until Bucky pushed in again and then he was swimming in pleasure. There was no more pausing, no more hesitation, Bucky thrust into him and then pulled out. In and out, granting Steve the most exquisite torture of his life. Unable to control anything of their encounter, he could only hold on, writhing and moaning, as Bucky made love to him. He’d begged to be fucked, but that’s not what this was. No one ‘fucking’ him would touch him so reverently, hold him so tenderly, kiss and nip so _gently_ at his skin. Steve was lost to it, lost to Bucky and what the man was doing to him.

“Gonna come, Stevie,” Bucky whispered into Steve’s ear after an eternity of in and out, in and out.

“Yes, yes, please,” Steve gasped, cried, sobbed.

Bucky groaned, hair tickling Steve’s cheek as he shook his head.

“Not until you do.”

The hand he’d been clutching ran down Steve’s chest, wrapped around his cock, and sent stars bursting in front of Steve’s eyes. Every muscle stiffened and he barely managed to drag a ragged breath into his lungs. Bucky didn’t even stroke; Steve came undone from his touch alone. The orgasm was so intense, he was barely aware as Bucky swore and thrust harder within him. His muscles clutched at the thick cock inside him, trying to draw it deeper. The even thrusts stuttered, becoming erratic and then stopping completely as he felt Bucky come.

“Bucky,” Steve gasped.

A shudder passed through the body pressed hard to his own. Bucky’s face pressed against his shoulder, the joint where it met his neck, breath ragged and gasping.

“God, Stevie,” Bucky whispered. “I…”

Carefully the bulky man eased from Steve and rolled him onto his back again. Reaching down, he yanked the coverlet up and over their naked bodies, then curled up around Steve again. His cheek rested next to Steve’s ear, his arms holding the frail body tight to his chest. Sighing in contentment, Steve pressed himself closer, turning his head to brush their lips together.

“Better than your hooker?” he teased.

“Oh yeah,” Bucky’s lips quirked upward. Blue eyes opened to meet Steve’s and for the first time he couldn’t read the emotion there. “We missed our date.”

“Did we?” Steve couldn’t have cared less.

“It’s 8:15,” Bucky confirmed.

“Guess you’ll have to make it up to me,” Steve said with his own smirk. “Often and vigorously.”

That got Bucky laughing, full and deep, curling even tighter about Steve. It was beautiful; Bucky had always had the most beautiful smile. Like sunshine.

They were both opening their mouths to speak when the door to Steve’s room slid open and Tony marched in. Steve froze, looking at the billionaire in surprise. At his side, Bucky jerked to a seated position, his hand fumbling for a knife that wasn’t there.

“We’ve done it!” Tony declared. “Just a shot and-” He paused, finally noticing that his teammates were wrapped up together with their clothes scattered about the room. “Took you long enough to make up.”

Bucky, who had been growing increasingly tense at Steve’s side, froze and stared hard at Tony. For his part, Tony wasn’t at all phased. He just continued on as if he’d never stopped, walking around the bed and manhandling Steve so that his arm was out at his side.

“You’ll be good as new in a heartbeat,” he promised, sticking a needle into his arm, “Though, this is going to hurt.”

“Stark,” Bucky began, but Steve never heard what else he was going to say. Tony depressed the plunger and Steve’s world became white-hot agony followed by blissful oblivion.

* * *

Steve woke from a dream of sand, water, and a naked Bucky to his empty bedroom. At least, empty of anyone who mattered as at his side, someone turned a page in a book. Rain beat against the window overlooking New York. He could smell Thai food somewhere. Carefully opening his eyes, Steve sighed as the world swam with brilliant blues and reds, dimmed by gentle greys and whites. No brown in sight. He hated brown.

“You’re awake.”

The female voice drew his gaze. Natasha was sitting in a chair pulled up next to his bed, the book she’d been reading now closed in her lap. As usual, he couldn’t read her expression, but it was closed enough he thought he already knew the answer to his first question.

“Where’s Bucky?”

Natasha shrugged. Steve closed his eyes against the wave of pain, humiliation and grief that threatened to overwhelm him.

“After nearly taking off Stark’s head, he got on his bike and no one has heard from him since.”

“How long have I been out?”

“Twenty-six hours,” Natasha told him, “Looking back to your old self, too. Strange said to take it easy for a few days, but you’d be back to your perfect self in no time.”

“Tony said that,” Steve corrected.

Natasha grinned.

“Yeah, well, he’s worried about you so that’s all he said.”

“I’m fine,” Steve declared as he sat up. He almost got out of bed before realizing he was still naked. Clutching the sheet to his waist, Natasha rolled her eyes and stood up. She pulled a pair of sweatpants from his dresser and threw them onto the bed.

“Get dressed, then we’ll see if we can find your man.”

“My-”

“Tony told everyone he caught you two ‘en flagrante’.”

“Great,” Steve sighed and slumped back against the headboard. “I don’t think he’s coming back, Nat.”

“Don’t be a drama queen, Rogers,” Natasha said, “He’ll be back.”

“Or you could go find him,” Tony said, stepping into the doorway and leaning against the jam.

Steve didn’t bother to hide his glare.

“Can’t you fucking knock, Tony?”

“Can, but it’s my tower,” Tony said far too happily for Steve’s liking. “I had FRIDAY alert me when you were conscious, seeing as we have a missing Bucky Bear on our hands.”

“Stark-” Steve began, meaning to tell him off for the nickname.

“You do want to know where old Buckaroo is, don’t you?” Tony challenged, pushing off the door frame.

Clenching his jaw, Steve nodded.

“Thought so. Coney Island.”

Steve was up and moving, no longer caring about his state of undress. Shoes followed the sweats, then the first shirt that came to hand. He was running out of the room without hearing anything else either Tony or Natasha said. There was no guarantee Bucky would remain at the pier and Steve wasn’t about to let the bastard get away.

Later, the trip to Coney Island would be a blur. Anger surged in Steve’s chest, mingling with the hurt and betrayal. By the time he arrived, he was so angry he was vibrating. He didn’t glance at the brightly lit Luna Park, heading straight for the dark pier where he knew Bucky would be. Sure enough, he was all the way at the end, sitting on the railing with his legs dangling over the water. He didn’t turn as Steve walked up, just sat staring out over the water.

 _Fine,_ Steve thought, _if it’s gonna be that way..._

“You gonna explain yourself?” Steve demanded.

Bucky still didn’t turn around.

“What’s to explain?” he said a little too evenly.

“You running out on me,” Steve snapped. “After- After we had _sex_.” _There, see, I can say it,_ Steve thought.

Since Bucky _still_ hadn’t turned around, he only saw Bucky shrug.

“It was just sex, Steve.”

“Are you _fucking_ kidding me!?” Steve shouted, not believing the words for a second. They hurt, God did they ever, but he remembered every caress, every kiss, every word. “You fucking _coward._ ”

That drew a flinch from Bucky’s shoulders, but his voice remained maddening calm and he refused to turn around.

“What can I say? You really were _easy._ Who can pass up the chance to get into Captain America’s pants?"

Steve saw red. Surging forward, he grabbed Bucky by the collar and dragged him bodily over the railing. The metal arm thumped heavily against the planks of the pier, but Bucky didn’t try to get up. He didn’t try to escape at all as Steve straddled his chest and grabbed the front of his shirt.

“Just another conquest, huh? That’s what you want me to think?”

Lips twisting in a sneer, he dragged Bucky’s dead weight up. The blue eyes were blank, his face too still. He really thought Steve would fall for this; it was so _incredibly stupid._

“All those women you fucked, love ‘em and leave ‘em, and I’m just another notch on the bedpost, right?”

“Right,” Bucky’s voice was rough now, but he refused to give up the ruse.

“Tear my heart out and leave it bleeding on the ground, right Buck? It didn’t matter, you didn’t spend an hour making love to me, you didn’t promise you wouldn’t leave. Now you don’t have to risk your own heart. After all, I’m not a broken doll in need of fixing any more.”

“I never-”

“Make me hate you, so you don’t have to love me, that the plan?”

“Steve-”

“ _Shut up_ ,” Steve snarled, “Just shut the fuck up, you don’t have the right to talk to me.” He leaned down, both hands on Bucky’s collar, their faces inches apart. “I won’t let you take last night from me. It was perfect, everything I wanted my first time to be, and you’re too fucking cowardly, too fucking _selfish_ -”

He broke off as tears pooled in his eyes, blurring his vision. Dropping Bucky back to the pier, he stood and stumbled away to the railing. Taking a deep breath, he squeezed his eyes shut and forced the ache balling in his chest away. He wouldn’t cry. He _wouldn’t_.

“Steve-”

“SHUT UP!” Steve screamed, hands gripping the railing so hard he heard the wood crack and splinter. “How could you do this to me? Love me and take it away? I _felt_ it, and then you- you just…”

Whirling around, Steve found Bucky getting to his feet. The man stumbled back, eyes wild as Steve advanced on him.

“Or have I got it all wrong, _James_ ?” Steve hated the part of him that enjoyed Bucky’s flinch at hearing his first name. “You think you’re not good enough to be with Captain Fucking America because of what Hydra made you do. You think I wouldn’t _see_ it?! Fuck you, James Barnes. You think I can’t see through your bullshit? I’ve known you too long.”

The guilt that had been spreading over Bucky’s face at Steve’s accusation, vanished at the last sentence. Anger suffused Bucky’s features and he shoved Steve away with his metal hand.

“Know me? You don’t know a fucking thing about me, Rogers! When are you going to get it through your thick skull, huh? I’m _not_ him! That guy who ran with the Howling Commandos is _dead_. I’m all that’s left!”

Whatever Bucky was expecting to his little speech, Steve’s ugly laugh wasn’t it.

“You think I don’t _know_ that? God, you’re such a fucking hypocrite. I _died_ , Barnes. I died and I woke up and everyone I’d ever loved was dead. The war I _died for_ ? They said we won, but I’m out of the ice two fucking days and they have the Tesseract up and running to make more Goddamned weapons. I lost _everything_ and for what? Then you come back,” Steve laughed again, dark and bitter, “and all you see is that guy who went into the ice. You think I don’t see _you_ ? You’re just as fucking broken as I am, warped and twisted because of what they did to us. _We’re_ different, and apparently I’m the only one who can see it!”

“Steve,” Bucky said hesitantly, his face a study in confusion.

“What, James? You’re _sorry_ ? I’m not sure I give a fuck. You _left_ me, you promised and you-”

This time he couldn’t stop the tears. Turning sharply away, he walked back to the end of the pier and stared down into the water. Angrily, he swiped at the moisture from his cheeks. Crying was bad enough, but crying _in front_ of someone? Steve was mortified.

“What was _your_ plan, Steve?” Bucky asked tiredly from behind him. “Why are you here, if...If you’re…”

“I thought… I don’t know,” Steve managed to choke out. “You’d see me and...and _stay_ , but I’m such a fucking idiot. You don’t even see _me_ . You haven’t seen _me_ since…” Steve shut his eyes, feeling cold wind whipping his face, hearing steel ripping, then Bucky’s endless, terrified scream. It was enough to regain his calm and his voice was cold when he said, “Since that fucking train.”

Pushing himself off the railing, Steve made to walk past Bucky. He didn’t know where he was going, but he wanted to be anywhere but _here_. He made it three steps from the man he had hoped to find a future with, when Bucky finally said something that wasn’t complete bullshit.

“I can’t escape you,” Bucky whispered; Steve never would have heard him if the serum hadn’t enhanced his hearing. “You’re home, you’re peace, you’re safety, and I...I made you _cry_. I...I don’t know how to do this, Steve. Not any more.”

“You want me to feel sorry for you?” Steve asked, incredulous.

“No, I- _I’m_ sorry. I am. Just… You don’t _need_ me and if you don’t need me, why the hell would you stay with me? Why would _you_ ever love me? You say you know me, but _I_ don’t know me! I’m an animal, I’m a monster, I-”

Steve wanted to scream. Instead, he forced himself to face Bucky, grab him by the shoulders, and shake him like a leaf. At least it shut him up.

“You don’t get to decide what I need! You don’t get to decide anything I feel! You sure as hell don’t get to decide who’s good enough for me to love!”

In all the time Steve had known Bucky, he had _never_ seen the man cry. Now his face crumpled, sobs bubbling from his chest. He collapsed in on himself, covering his face with his hands, and sinking to the ground. Steve didn’t let go, he just pulled Bucky closer, holding him tight. In moments his shirt was wet, but he didn’t care. He had a feeling Bucky hadn’t cried once since breaking through Hydra’s programming.

“God, Steve,” Bucky sobbed brokenly, “I’m such an asshole. I’m so, so sorry, I don’t deserve you. Please, I just… I need you so much.”

“Shh, Buck,” Steve murmured, lips pressed to Bucky’s hair. The nickname on his lips only made Bucky cry harder. “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

“ _How_?” Bucky asked, choking the word out so it cracked and shattered between them. “How do you not hate me?”

Steve laughed gently.

“Because I felt how much you love me.”

Sitting back, he tipped Bucky’s face up and used his thumbs to wipe away his tears.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m plenty pissed off at you still and I’ve every right to be, but if you think for a second I’m gonna let you walk away without giving me a shot, you have another thing coming. You’re taking me dancing, you jerk, and to dinner and you’re going to be charming as hell and sweep me off my feet. You hear me?”

“God, you’re bossy,” Bucky laughed wetly.

“Someone’s gotta keep your head on straight,” Steve smiled weakly.

Bucky’s smile was tremulous and he scrubbed his hand over his face roughly.

“I need you to know how much last night- How much it meant to me. You were perfect-”

Flushing, Steve covered Bucky’s mouth and felt the man smile against his skin.

“I know, though it would have been better if I’d woke up to you and not Natasha.”

“Never again,” Bucky mumbled into his hand.

Steve took a deep breath and cupped Bucky’s cheek.

“You have to promise me something, or I’m not doing this.”

Fear flared to life in Bucky’s eyes, but he nodded.

“You have a problem with me, with _us,_ you come talk to me. No finding another Barbara, no running away, no trying to make me hate you. You _talk_ to me, like a normal person, Buck. I’m not gonna give this a shot if you can’t start doing that.”

“Okay,” Bucky said, sooner than Steve expected. When he raised an eyebrow, Bucky just smiled. “I just want you happy, Stevie,” he said. “Well, happy and naked.”

Laughing, Steve smacked Bucky in the chest and climbed to his feet. Offering his hand, he pulled Bucky up as well, shaking his head in amusement.

“You’re gonna have to earn seeing me naked again.”

Bucky only smiled, slipping his fingers through Steve’s. The gesture had breath catching in his throat, as if his asthma was still affecting his lungs. Hell, he really was easy.

“I’ll love every minute of it,” Bucky promised softly. “For as long as you’ll let me, I’ll make it up to you.”

Steve swallowed hard; he believed every word.

**Author's Note:**

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